night among stars

when you sleep with your back to cold, pleasant earth and your eyes fixed somewhere among the stars, you know that either you are feeling happy without any bound or you are out of yourself.
still you sleep like that. because you want to be so unknown to you, that even you won't be able to identify yourself. such un-identity is difficult. and that's why one sleeps under the stary sky with cool wind around and memories, imaginations storming in the head and some unknown pressure mounting on you, trying to crash you down.
but then why you sleep watching stars? one can sleep putting his head under the pillow. one can get drunk or one can let loose oneself with someone dear. no! one doesn't do these things when one doesn't even know what is it. there is nothing to tell, nothing to hide, nothing to repent and even nothing to ask for. what is it!
may be it is space and time around yourself which is not yours. and, hence one has to look into stars. they are there. some are at one place for ages. some are moving slowly. some are not even known. some are frequent visitors. and, they too don't have time space of themselves.
what you do when you feel like part of big giant machine, following it's laws without any attention to small lives which don't want to be ruled? what you feel when you see your actions are unwanted, meaningless or responseless in the environment? what if you feel that you are just product of actions and decisions taken in your absence?
you do nothing! because you can not. you go. you try all your means to console yourself, you try to erect yourself, you try to fight, you try to feel totally devastated, and nothing works. some sparks of life remaining can't let you die, they can't let you give up. so you do nothing but you sleep with your back to cold, pleasant earth and your eyes fixed somewhere among the stars.